You have a very well organized essay here, but the issues your teacher has raised do point out the main problem: your supports don’t necessarily prove either your thesis or your topic sentences. Therefore, the problem with your essay can easily be fixed by making your thesis and topic sentences more clear and removing items that act as opposition (and putting them where they belong: in an opposition paragraph). It is a structural problem that could be improved upon even at the outline stage of an essay, but we can certainly work on it now. With a few simple changes, we can easily make your persuasive/argumentative piece a model essay.
In looking at your essay, it does seem that your teacher likes the idea of opposition included in an argumentative essay. I am going to suggest that, as a result, your paragraph structure look like this: introduction, opposition (first body paragraph), economic downturns (second body paragraph), the poverty cycle (third body paragraph), and conclusion. As it stands now, your last two body paragraphs are both about how government assistance tries to help. I am going to suggest to combine those into one (a final body paragraph).
INTRODUCTION AND THESIS
Your introductory paragraph is strong just the way it is. My suggestion would be to change your thesis to be more specific.
Original thesis: Some people may believe that there is a way to break the cycle of poverty, but in this essay I will argue that poverty has been a struggle historically that this will always be the case.
An Improved Suggestion: Despite a barrage of governmental programs designed to help, poverty will always exist due to continual economic downturns (such as Depressions and Recessions) and the cycle that poverty creates.
Reasoning: This is a very specific thesis statement refuting your opposition and stating the “rationale” your teacher asked for as to why poverty still exists. Your teacher put a box around “I will argue” because any time you use the word “I” in an essay, it weakens your argument. Just take it out. State everything as truth. This makes your essay stronger.
FIRST BODY PARAGRAPH: OPPOSITION
Now let us move on to your first body paragraph. Your first body paragraph is actually your strongest to support your thesis about poverty, so I would suggest moving it later and putting an actual opposition paragraph first. If you look back at the suggested thesis (above), you will see where I am getting the idea for the topic sentence.
New Topic Sentence: The United States government has unsuccessfully tried to create a large amount of governmental programs to help people out of poverty.
Supports: Any sentences in your essay that show how the government has truly “helped,” should go here in this paragraph. In my opinion, the first half of your second paragraph (your first “body paragraph”) should go here. This is why your teacher put a line on the left side of the last few sentences of that paragraph.
SECOND BODY PARAGRAPH: POVERTY DUE TO ECONOMIC DOWNTURNS
Original Topic Sentence: The rise in poverty is related to the Great Recession of 2007 which continues to the present day.
An Improved Suggestion: Due to our economic system of capitalism, both recessions and depressions are a continual economic reality.
Supports: The supports from the census bureau the second paragraph you have written should go here. Anything about what you call “the Great Recession” should go here. These are very good supports. I would suggest you add The Great Depression and its statistics as other supports here. This shows that the United States has a history of an economic roller coaster.
FINAL BODY PARAGRAPH: POVERTY CREATES A CYCLE
New Topic Sentence: It is evident from US History (and the US Census Bureau) that poverty creates a cycle.
Supports: The second half of your third paragraph absolutely belongs here. It is the group of sentences that begin with, “When families rely on government assistance …” and end with “… they will rely on the government for help. It is very important that you go back to the census bureau and find statistics to support this. This shouldn’t be very hard. Perhaps you could find the statistic about children of poverty remain in poverty as adults and/or number of poverty stricken teens that get pregnant. Any of the sentences you write that refer to the “cycle of poverty” also go here in this paragraph. Further, all of the statistics from your original fourth paragraph (your third body paragraph) go here. It is especially important to include the support about poverty rates only changing a tiny bit in times of recession and times of prosperity. I would also add the statistic from the Great Depression (when poverty was at 25%). That is only a 14% difference from our time of greatest prosperity that you cite (1973).
CONCLUSION
Reworded Thesis (which always goes first): Even though many United States programs are meant to help people out of poverty, the unfortunate truth is that poverty will always exist due to capitalistic downturns and the poverty cycle.
Much of your conclusion can stay the same, but be careful not to say “it is true that” the cycle of poverty could end, “but it is never going to work that way.” That is a paradox. Just sum up your essay and then end with another powerful quotation about poverty similar to the one in your introduction.
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