I will answer your question about whether or not your thesis is clear, arguable, focused, and good. Yes, I believe that your thesis idea is all of those things. I can't offer specific feedback on the thesis statement itself, because the question doesn't provide the word for word written out thesis. I can offer this suggestion. Don't use parentheses in the thesis statement. I realize you are giving me extra information for the question to...
I will answer your question about whether or not your thesis is clear, arguable, focused, and good. Yes, I believe that your thesis idea is all of those things. I can't offer specific feedback on the thesis statement itself, because the question doesn't provide the word for word written out thesis. I can offer this suggestion. Don't use parentheses in the thesis statement. I realize you are giving me extra information for the question to make sense, but the formal thesis needs to have that incorporated into the main statement. Something like this: Although Romeo's metaphors of love toward Juliet are understandable, Eminem's metaphors are more powerful to modern audiences because they are more relatable and singularly focused.
By "hook" I think that you mean the first, attention getting sentence. There are generally four types.
- Ask a question
- Make a bold statement
- Use a quote
- Use a definition
Because you are comparing two written texts, I recommend using a quote. You also said that you want your hook to be immediately relatable to your readers. Use something from the Eminem song. The quote is likely to be more recognized by your peers than an obscure Romeo and Juliet quote. Plus your argument is that Eminem is better for modern audiences. You want to start your essay with that in mind. If Eminem is better, then he is better to start your paper with.
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